Interpretation

Baby j (the kid) has become quite an independent soul. After waking up at some ungodly hour in the morning and our desperate attempts to get extra minutes of shut eye, we all get up to eat breakfast. The husband goes and gets bagels and coffee while I start to get the kid ready for his cereal. I pour his bowl and give him a mini cup with milk to pour himself and told him to get his super big spoon. So, he is all set up and ready to have breakfast. Suddenly, Mr. Independence decided that he didn’t need to eat and declared that he wasn’t hungry. He HAD to play cars in the other room.

When he insisted that he had to go watch a show in the den we told him that he couldn’t until he ate 2 bites of his delicious Captn Crunch which was peacefully waiting on the table, dying to be eaten. After much whining, pleading and negotiating he finally caved and ate his 2 bites of his cereal. I guess what was supposed to be 2 spoonfuls to us was 2 single pieces of cereal.

Kudos to the kid for outsmarting his parents. 2 is 2 and we had to give him that.

Long time, no write

I apologize. I have fallen off the writing wagon and I decided I wanted to get back on. If anyone still checks this site after a year, please keep checking back. I am sure there will be more to come.

Let me catch you up on this past year. Nothing too exciting except for the fact that we got pregnant and are due with our new baby girl within days. I have had a pretty uneventful pregnancy and with baby J, nothing stays boring or calm. I will be referring to him as 'the kid' as opposed to 'baby J' because it is just going to get way too confusing and with preggo brain and mommy brain (which is worse than preggo brain) I am going to get the kids confused. Not that one being a tiny, itty bitty, crying baby girl and a 40 pound non-stop, loud and very opinionated toddler boy would make me rememeber the difference.

So please stick around. If I can dig up some dirt from the past few months, get it down in writing. Happy to see you.

Basic food group

"My son just ate Ketchup for his dinner. Everything else is exactly how I gave it to him."

"Thats a vegetable, right?"

Thankful for someone

Ever since baby j was an ity bity little person I have always been fascinated with him while he sleeps. He is so peaceful and all the terror, temper tantrums, scraped knees, toy throwing, hitting, and water splashing just seem to disappear. I have spent countless hours lying next to him watching him breathe. I would watch him sleep so peacefully and just thank the force that has given him to me. With his eyes closed and his steady breaths he is an angel. The perfect sound comes out of him every so often and my heart just melts. A sigh. That, my friends, is the most perfect sound.

He now cuddles with his Simba doll that sports his Mets T-shirt because it doesn’t fit him anymore. Every night I come into his room to adjust his blanket and make sure both of them are properly covered and centered on the bed. I push baby J’s hair back and give him a gentle kiss and tell him I love him. Lately he will talk in his sleep and say ‘Hi, mommy. What a doing?’ and I will just simply respond ‘Tucking you in and giving you a kiss, baby.’ He doesn’t open his eyes or get up. He will just turn over and go back to his good nights sleep.

This has to be the best part of my every day. I cannot go to sleep without this routine. Without saying a peaceful goodnight to my baby. This is a moment that makes you forget how difficult it is to be a parent. How exhausted you are every day. It just makes you feel love that you just never thought you could feel.

Reasoning with a 2 year old

I think I may start a category just for tantrums. I am sure I would have more of those than anything these days. Today’s was about independence. I went in to get Baby J out of bed and to start his day. We had to get going and get dressed so we can eat and go to class this morning. He was in a good mood and was playing in the mirror. So while he was making funny faces I figured I would drop his sleeping shorts and get the diaper off as quick as I could since getting him undressed and dressed is becoming a continuous battle. As the shorts hit the floor it was like I flashed his ex-girlfriend that had never seen his parts. Immediately, and as I am ripping his pee-soaked diaper off, he lifts his shorts up. He is holding it high by his stomach but the back end hasn’t passed over his back end. So in his attempt to try to keep his dignity, he runs to the door to hide from me screaming that he wants his SHORTS ON. I don’t fight him and just try to reason with a two a year old. What was I thinking?

“You can keep your shorts on as long as I put on a clean diaper”
“No new diaper”
“Mommy doesn’t want you to pee-pee on the floor. We need to wear a new diaper”
“No pee-pee da foor”
“Honeybear, we have to wear a diaper to go eat our breakfast”
“NO”
“I promise that you can wear your sleepy shorts…”
“Uh-oh!” {with a serious look on his face}
“What?”
“Pee-pee on da foor, Mommay.”

Yup! There it was. He walked over to me and pointed to the wet spot he had created on his beautiful carpeting. He immediately let me put a diaper on after that. I guess it was either a diaper or I make him sit on the potty all day.

Breaking point

Baby J is at the front door kicking and screaming at the top of his lungs. I have dinner on the table and he is covered in whatever he has been playing with outside. Most likely a mixture of bubbles and dirt. All he wants to do is play with his friend that is still outside. The high-pitched squealing gets louder and louder. The tears stream down his bright red face. He tries to bang on the door as if it will magically open with his fists. Then he uses his feet. Somehow he gets a few words that sound like “play” “outside” “Allison”. We are not quite sure, but that’s the best we can do.

R is watching this display of emotion with me for many minutes. He looks at me square in the eye and says, “Thank God I get to go back to work tomorrow!”

Mommy’s sleep policy

“Do you ever get up before the kid does?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you wake up in the morning before he does?”
“Yea, but I go back to sleep until he wakes me up.”
“You can get so much done if you wake up before him.”
“I could but I could get so much done after he goes to sleep at night AND have you help me.”

What chapter are we up to?

We have entered into a new and difficult stage in raising a child. We have gone through big bellies and birthing. We had a helpless infant that would eat, sleep and poop on a regular, hourly schedule. Sleepless nights and stinky spitup. We have been through the first tooth through the twentieth. Newborn diapers to size 6. Rolling, sitting, crawling, cruising and of course, first steps all the way to running faster than mommy could. Solid foods. First words. First haircut. Going to the zoo and even a trip to Disney World. The list can go on forever. Anyone with a child would know how I cried at every one of these events. Just thinking of all of these things even brings a tear to my eye. My baby, he is growing up.

My son happens to be the most independent person I know and probably will ever know. I can tell that already. When he was 10 ½ months, on December 21st 2004, he decided that he no longer wanted to breastfeed. We woke up and I did my usual routine with him. I get ready to feed him, latch him and he looks right up at me and… {BITE}. YOWCH! I wait a few minutes and through my tears of agony I try again. YOWCH again! I tried all day to get him to take the breast. I tried all week. I was more determined than a hungry lion staring at a zebra at the pond. J wanted nothing to do with it. J decided when he wanted to end the most intimate of mother-child relationships, no me. I was devastated. I, for once, at 10 ½ months, realized that my child was very independent and was growing up. I had to take a long deep breath. I also cried more than I should have.

J’s next step to independence just occurred a few weeks ago. One night as we were putting him to bed, he put his foot down and gave up one of the longest nights we have had in a long time. After bath, brushing his teeth, struggling with the diaper and his jimmies, J announced that he didn’t want to sleep in his crib.

“Mommay, nap floor.”
“You don’t want to sleep in your crib, Honeybear?”
“NO, NAP FLOOR!”

We would put him in the crib and he would scream as if I put him into a pool of hot lava. He was hysterical. It was horrifying. Hearing him plead with us because all he wanted was to sleep on the floor. We didn’t get it. We finally gave up and let him cry in his crib and he eventually did fall asleep that night. He woke up bright and early ready to get out of his confines of wooden bars.

Naptime was just as pretty. The crying and begging not to go into his crib was unbearable. Everything was thrown out and announced that THEY were sleeping on the floor. His Tigger doll, Mickey Mouse, Brown Bear Book, sippy cup, even his banana blanket all were ready to sleep on the floor. With or without him. After a very long struggle, I set up a makeshift bed on the floor next to his crib. He fell asleep instantly and slept there peacefully for his entire nap. This is when I realized that my child, my baby, this being that was supposed to need me for everything and follow my every direction is not going to. He wasn’t going to sleep in his baby crib for the rest of his life like I had planned. He decided he was ready to be ‘out of the crib’. He was making his next step to be as far away from my womb as possible. He slept on the floor for a few days until we ran out and got him a big boy twin bed. I spent a fortune on cool bedding from Pottery Barn and he has been great in it ever since. He doesn’t even get out of it in the morning when he wakes up. He still lays in bed and plays with his dolls and books and anything else I leave in his bed for him. I hear him playing with his Baby Tad doll that sings a few notches way too high and he will sing ‘Gymbo, swish, swish, swish!’ Which is his version of the Gymboree song. When he is ready to get out of bed, he doesn’t climb out. We hear from the top of his lungs, “mommay, mommay, mommay!!!!!” and then something that resembles that he wants to get out of bed.

Although, it is a sad and emotional point for my husband and I, I absolutely love being able to lay down next to my baby J and read his books to him. He likes to creep his fingers around my face and explore every part of it. It’s just so absolutely precious and it’s those moments that I need to help me forget his devilish toddlerhood that makes me nuts all day long. I love my growing boy.

Anyone have a Kleenex?

Bedtime stories

“HELLO? What the hell did you do? I couldn’t get him down no matter what I tried.”

“I read him a book and sang him a song as I went around the room until I got to the door and snuck out. He’s just laying there with his sippy and will be asleep in a few minutes.”

“You must be a miracle maker.”

“No, you must have tired him out the past hour and a half.”

My Mr. Pisser

Nighttime diapers have become quite a challenge. We have gone through every option we can think of and we still have the same problem: They just don’t hold enough! Just about every morning when I go in to get J from his crib (yes, he is still in a crib and will be there until he is either 1. Fully potty trained or 2. Figures out how to get out) I have to repeat the get up, strip and clean up routine. My washing machine was brand new and I swear it’s about ready to conk out from all the pee-pee bedding it has had to endure. We were using the Huggies Overnights but he started to pee through those and they don’t make a bigger size than what he was in. I tried using all kinds of diapers, different sizes, liners or anything you can think of. I can’t seem to find the liners I was using and I am about ready to try a maxipad. How much different could it be? They both claim to hold a lot of fluid, right?

Last night I tried a Pampers Cruiser. They seem to do a really great job during the day, especially those days where I am just a bad parent and change his diaper only when it offends the neighbors’ dog. This morning J woke up screaming 'MOMMY, MOMMY, NA-KIN, NA-KIN, BUG, BUG' in a high pitched, very scared sounding voice. I ran into his room and discovered that the diaper crystals had escaped and exploded out of the confines of his diaper and were all over his bed, all over him, his face, hands, everywhere. I immediately got him out of the bed and stripped him down in fear that he may get the crystals in his mouth. When I got him down to his birthday suit, he saw hundreds of little crystals all over his body and he completely freaked out. He got all heeby-skeevy and was shrilling that these things were all over his body. Without delay, I got him in the tub.

So, the Pampers Cruisers have been scratched off our list of appropriate bedtime diapers.

Its someones day

Baby J just started to sing. He is not very good at it and if you weren’t R or I, you wouldn’t think he was actually singing. He sings one or two words and kind of makes a semi beat to it. He typically skips a word or two so its difficult to understand what he is actually singing.

Typically the melodies are encouraged by us trying to get him to sing or asking him to sing a song. His favorite song is Happy Birthday. He sings the words ‘Happy’ and ‘Birthday’ with emphasis on the r in birthday. It’s quite a sound to listen to. Today after dinner at the pizza place he was in a great mood. He was so excited that he refused to get into his car seat. After a few minutes of struggling with him, R asked me to take over the challenge. I handed him a yamikah that was in the car from my mothers unveiling that took place earlier today. As he placed it on his head I was able to buckle the little guy into his seat.

The next thing we know, he is belting out loud ‘HAPPY BURR-TH-DAY’ {pause} ‘HAPPY BURR-TH-DAY’… over and over again. I guess he figured the yamikah is a really cool birthday hat. I wonder who’s birthday he thought it was?

Don’t forget to shake

After a relaxing and fun bath is the best time to release. You’re clean and refreshed. What better way to prepare yourself for a great nights sleep than to do this ritual which cleanses you of the days germs, dirt, food, schmutz and anything else your body may collect. What’s even better is sprinkling your rug with the liquid waste most people save for the potty. So there I am, trying to dry off Baby J’s little body while he shivers and he gets into ‘position’. I hurry and put the towel down to give him a target. Its easier to clean a towel than the carpet. A quick stream and then he stops. Turns 90 degrees to make sure the target is far away from his aim. He starts again, I throw the towel in place to make sure the carpet didn’t get any. Stop, 90 degree turn and a giggle this time. I am trying so hard not to laugh I can’t ask him if he wants to go pee-pee on the potty even though I know all too well that its too late for that. He finally realized he wasn’t going to be able to water his carpet with mom around. J spots a paper cup that adults typically use to rinse their mouth out after brushing their teeth, but J uses to stack and knock over and they are all over the room. He picks one up. Places it strategically in front of his penis and finishes the job. Hands me the cup and says “Dank You!”

Head, shoulders, knees and toes..

While I was changing J for bedtime tonight he was sitting in his diaper exploring his body. He would point and I would name what it was.
‘Belly’
‘eye’
‘foot’
He then looked down and found something. He looked at me as he was pointing and he said ‘nee-pool’. And I looked up and said ‘yes, that’s your nipple’. He then looked down and pointed to his other nipple and repeated ‘nee-pool’. Again I reassured him that he was correct. After he was sure that he only had two of them he made sure that he had enough hands with enough fingers. He squeezed each of his ‘nee-pools’ and pranced around the room proclaiming the part of his anatomy he was grasping. We had quite a laugh. I don’t think either one of us stopped laughing for a good ten minutes.

I will tell him this story when he is 17 and will never believe me, but you just cant make this stuff up.

Birthday Eve

Tonight is the eve of my Baby J’s 2nd birthday. The husband has to work late and I am sitting on the couch in such awe of the past two years listening to him babble to himself in bed. This amazing being has once been a helpless, tiny baby with a whole world ahead of him. Not knowing what is in store for him, how much love he will be given and how he will win our hearts.

Tomorrow he will be 2. I know there will many years after this, but he has really turned from my baby J to my toddler J. He has true likes and dislikes. He knows who he wants to watch on TV and what he likes to eat. He has a favorite matchbox car and his tigger he likes to sleep with. He has to have his feet covered when he sleeps along with a sippy cup with a bit of juice. He wont let me leave him to sleep unless I read him at least 2 books and one has to be ‘Mama, Mama. Papa, Papa’. He wears an 81/2 shoe and he wears 2T shirts. He is tall and skinny and loves to jump all the time. His girlfriend is Shayna that he loves to hug her and plummet her to the ground every time. His favorite fruit is a banana and his favorite food is Dunkin Donuts’ munchkins. If you ask him what he wants for dinner he will say ‘french fries, ketchup.’ Maybe not in that order. He has an oversized Tonka dump truck that he drives all over the house, all day long. He always asks for daddy after he wakes from his naps and has quite a fit when I tell him he is working.

What this child doesn’t know is how much he has taught me in these past two years. I believe the biggest lesson he has taught me is patience. He has showed me that no matter how exhausted you are, you still have a little bit of energy left somewhere in there. He has made me appreciate such little things that normally one would take for granted. But mostly, he has shown me love so deep and so strong, I would give my life for it. For that, I have to say, Thank You, Baby J. Happy Birthday and I love you from the depths of my heart.

It certainly sucks, but you blow

Today I was drowned with errands and decided when my friend called me to go to an indoor playground for Baby J to play with his girlfriend and her twin brother for 2 hours I just had to go. My husband decided that sleeping late constitutes him to stay home and work from the comfort of the basement in his jammies. That’s the life, right? Well, when he is home, I get very little done. He spends hours on the phone with conference calls and J seems to think that his mother is dispensable when his father is anywhere in the house. Well, I am good for the diaper changes and juice on demand, but daddy is more fun. When this happens, I need to get out of the house and I just didn’t feel like taking Baby J to the bank teller and the mail place and anywhere else I had to be.

After a few tantrums and a complete meltdown at the playground, I took J to my fathers house to drop off a ton of stuff to store there. It gave grandpa and baby some time together as they fought over whether the cat food should go in or out of the container. Guess who won that argument? When it was time to leave I had to tear him away from the cat food (Baby J, not my father) and practically pin him down to get him in the car so we can go home to eat lunch. Oh, the screaming!

A great benefit of having the husband home during the week is that I can put J down for his nap, leave the monitor with him and make sure I am back within 2 hours. I get a great 2 hour break! I can go to the bank, mail a few packages, food shop, I can even run in a meadow. I am free from a child that will make the nerves in my neck tense up and make any childless person thank their lord for not being me.

So I had to get both of my vacuums fixed. The upright’s roller didn’t spin and the canister smelled really bad when I used it. So I went to get them fixed at a local appliance repair place and expected to pay a bit to have them looked at and fixed and I’d walk out of there with something to use whether it was one of mine or a loaner. Instead I am told that both of my vacuums are for crap and that I need to buy this super duper, professional quality vacuum that would suck the eyeballs out of my head if I needed it to do so. So while this barely 20 year old moron is trying to sell me a vacuum and trying to make me feel like Ralph Kramden from the Honeymooners (remember that episode?) I am starting to get pissed off. I don’t usually get pissed off. I do tend to become the sucker buyer because I can’t say no to a good salesman. This guy probably was a bad salesman because he couldn’t get me to buy his product. One thing I have learned from my husband, who was back at home with his feet up on his desk probably surfing the internet for the next car he wants to buy, was to never buy on the spot. Yes, this was a great product, but this guy doesn’t know my financial situation. He doesn’t know if I can afford a new vacuum. Yea, I might need a new vacuum because mine are crapola. I could have stolen these two and brought them in to be fixed just to sell them for 20 bucks for a heroin fix. I kept telling him that I needed to talk to my husband before I purchase something this expensive. It was obvious the moron wasn’t married or had a significant other. You don’t just go and buy an $800 vacuum on a whim, yet a $1500 one either.

The moron pissed me off so bad that I actually said to him, “If you are not going to fix the ones I brought in, then I will take my business elsewhere. I need to get home and I am not listening to your song and dance. If you keep pushing me, you will guarantee that I would NEVER buy your product and make sure none of my friends do either!” What you need to understand is that I never talk like that. Those words were from me listening to my husband do ‘his thing’ when it comes to dealing with people. I can never stand my ground or be a bitch to a stranger. Maybe to my husband or an ex-boyfriend that thought it was smart to question my beliefs or my favorite color. The moron suddenly apologized and went about to look at my two piece of crap that would never pick up a single piece of dirt and fixed them, free of charge.

I’m so proud of myself. I came home and ran down to the husband to tell him my story and there he was, feet up surfing the net for the next car he wanted to buy.

You would never know a farm animal if it hit you in the face

Naptime is usually an event that I look forward to daily. That’s when I am free from a clingy, opinionated, stubborn yet cute as can be toddler. Sometimes I take a nap, search my message boards, clean (ack! Did I just say that?), etc.

Lately baby J has been quite the entertainment when I leave him to sleep. After I have read about 20 books and attempted to cover his feet with his sea creature blanket from gymboree about a billon times, I finally sneak out. Some of the time he will test to see if I will come back in after he throws his sippy overboard. Not only does this instant sleep inducer get thrown out of the crib, it’s thrown on the side against the wall, so I have to move the furniture to get it. He is slowly learning that is not going to get me to come back in and get him.

Today after I left him I heard him drinking and being nice and peaceful. Drinking his cup, feet covered and holding his classic Tigger under one arm. I suddenly hear his empty cup go flying through the room and hit something on the other side. I turn to the Baby J Room channel on my TV and I see him sitting up chatting to himself. He seems to be flipping through a book and started to make all sorts of animal noises.

“Neigh, Neigh”
“Moo, Moo, Moo, moo, moo, moo moo”
“yeow, yeow”
“woof woof”
“a doo doo do” (this is the sound a rooster makes in J language)

As he flips to a new page, a new sound comes out. And with each sound his tone got louder and louder. You would think that he is hiding a whole farm under his crib and pulls it out at bedtime when he is all alone just to freak out his parents. I run downstairs to get the husband to show him what’s going on and by the time I went down and up the stairs, he had become fast asleep. This child has to be possessed.

Its a new experience every time

Baby J is not the easiest kid to go shopping with in any kind of store from clothing to food. I don’t think any toddler is capable to be an easy shopping companion and if they are, you better get that kid checked out. I certainly don’t remember the last time I went shopping and was actually able to look at what I put in my cart.

So this evening after a big struggle with getting a few bites of pizza into the kids’ tummy and washing it down with my soda, I decided to take him to the supermarket to pick up some necessities. You know, milk, bread and some chocolate. I typically go after he goes to bed so I can take my time and read some labels. However, since the husband is snowboarding somewhere in the state of Massachusetts for a few days the rest of the family has to fend for themselves. I do have to admit, J is not that terrible if I go quickly and I let him push the cart instead of confining him to it. He calls it a ‘push’. Everytime he sees a cart he runs over to it and chants ‘push push push’ until I let him or drag him away kicking and screaming like I was tearing him away from Elmo.

So we walk into the Super Stop and Shop with our chosen cart being pushed by both of us. I plan out a route that would take us down the aisles that were necessary and as quickly as possible. He did really great. Helped me push the cart, did some shopping for me. He thought we needed fabric softener and some mouse traps. He even started to clean the floors with a broom he found. One of the employees offered him a job.

We go down an aisle to get his overnight diapers which we ran out of today and were in desperate need of. I hate changing his sheets and anyone who has changed the sheets on a crib mattress can understand. In the same aisle is the housewares so on the way to the diapers, he finds something that he thought was a hat. You have to understand, if it looks like it can fit on your head, it’s a hat. So he is trailing behind me and I am watching him put this black, odd thing on his head and trying to balance it there. Holding his hands out as it was gently placed and him rolling his eyes up so high as if he can see it there. It was the bottom to a plunger. I just couldn’t stop laughing and neither could the other lady in the aisle pretending not to see the sillyness.

The rest of the shopping experience was filled with pointing out colors which most of his exclamations where wrong and J pointing to me and making sure that everyone in the store knew I was his mommy. At checkout I hand my keys to the cashier and trap J in the little aisle while I unload the cart. So he grabs a bunch of new things for me to purchase and sneaks them onto the belt. A few I was able to catch and put away before they were scanned, thank god. I mean, what am I going to do with rubber bands or pepper spray. As I finish and pay I am struggling with him as he is starting to really get antsy and acting out. He starts to toss the candy bars on the ground and I manage to get all but one of them. As we are walking out I see him handing me a wrapper as he states ‘Hold dis’. As I am trying to figure out what he has he starts to eat it. Its one of those candy bars with the mini M&M’s in it. Its was 8:20 pm and bedtime was less than an hour away. He was covered in chocolate before I can get near him. In an attempt to get him to eat less of it and without taking it away completely creating a scene displaying what can actually happen when you do take candy away from a child I ask him for a bite. I take the biggest bite I could possibly have taken. I am chewing and thinking that it would be really yummy and chocolatey, I taste one flavor that I dispise. I grab the wrapper that was handed to me and I look at it carefully. It was made with PEANUT BUTTER M&M’s!!!!! Baby J hasn’t eaten peanut butter or peanuts yet. I am alone and would never try a new food. What if he has a reaction? What if he is highly allergic and I can’t get him to the hospital in time (its 2 minutes down the road)? Then I just gave up and said to myself, ‘well, he has had half of it already, I might as well let him have the whole darned thing!’

What NOT to listen to when your child is in the car

Being a stay at home mom I have been restricted from many things that were in my non-baby life. For one is radio and everything for my listening pleasure. Yes, for the past 2 years I have been listening to and singing songs at he top of my lungs like ‘The Wheels on the Bus’ and ‘The Itsy Bitsy Spider’. Every now and again I tune into my regular hard rock station and catch up on some of the music of today.

Yesterday was the Premier of Howard Stern on Sirius radio. It was very exciting for me for many reasons. I like him. He can now be uncensored and say what’s really on his mind. I do admit I do not like everything he says, but he didn’t get where he is without stirring some pots on the way. He IS the King of All Media and I want to be a part of that.

So yesterday while J and I were on our way to a gym class, I tried to catch some of his show on the radio. For our 10 minute ride my child was exposed to a world of adult conversation (well, if you can say Howards show is ‘adult’) instead of his typical happy music. Today I had to pry my baby boy away from the TV during the skit where cookie monster reveals the letter of the day. The whole way to and into the car J kept yelling for his Elmo and Big Bird and any of the characters he thought might save him from the confines of his safety seat and a ride from hell to a class that he forgets that he loves. I had left the channel on from the day before and was happy that I got another chance to get a glimpse of the show. We were on our merry way and I am listening to Howard while J was pointing out all the trees and buses that we passed.

Howard was playing music clips that they couldn’t play on terrestrial radio. So suddenly the beginnings of the song ‘C is for Cookie’ comes on and I was so intrigued and for a moment forgot where my place was and the song continues. ‘C is for Cu-uuunt, that’s good enough for me! C is for …’ Well, you get the point. In just a matter of seconds I just wanted to burst out laughing and what a horrible parody it was. I mean, I know his show is crass and raunchy, but this was over the top. Taking a child’s song and just replacing a single word. C’mon, I thought they had more talent than that. It turns out that Howard felt the same way and made fun of the creator saying that they only made that parody just because they could air the word.

In this very moment I remember where I am and I look back and my innocent little boy who’s ears have been defiled. He looked just as surprised as me and I actually think I heard him say the word. OH MY GOD! Did my child just say that word? He did and he smiles. So in a split second I start to sing the song as it was meant to be sung in hopes I can rid the word from his file book in that very busy brain of his. Hoping that me correcting it would make the little people in there say ‘wait, that wasn’t a new word, we just heard it wrong!’

The most important word in our vocabulary

Baby J has finally discovered what the meaning of the word ‘no’ is. So lately
The answer to every question is the notable ‘NO!’. Do you want to eat lunch? “NO!” Do you want to pee-pee on the potty? “NO!” Do you want to go take a nap? “NO!” Do you want me to change you really smelly, nasty, diaper rash causing diaper? “NO!, NO!, NO!”

The ABC’s are only recited with daddy. When mommy tries to do them with him the only letters out of his mouth are N and O put together to make the word… “NO!”

“J, is this bus Red?”
“No!”
“Is this bus Blue?”
“No!”
“Is this bus Yellow?”
“NO!, NO!, NO!”

For Hanukah J got a cool shape-sorting toy from Discovery Toys. It’s nice and simple. I caught him playing with it one morning while he was supposed to be watching his daily Elmo fix and as he would take each shape he would run it over the openings and if the shape didn’t fit, he would shake his head and say “NO!”

When he has pancakes or one of those pancakes I make that has all sorts of yummy stuff in it like grated carrots or squash, he will put his hand over it as if it were emanating a life force and say in the most curious way, “Hot?” A short pause as he concentrates on his ever consequential question. Then a sudden outburst in the cutest little voice that simply says “No.” He then dunks his pancake in a sea of syrup and displays the biggest grin and says “Yummy!”

Mr. & Mrs. Dork Bring in the New Year

I have to admit, I think that we are the biggest dorks out there. The only bottle of liquor in the house is an ingredient in my mothers’ sweet potato pie recipe which both have been passed down to me. Our idea of a great night out is dinner at Chili’s and a movie. We put T-Shirts on our child that say things like ‘I TCP/IP but mostly IP’ and ‘Newbie’ and plan on making him watch the whole Star Wars series and then quiz him to make sure he was paying attention by the time he is 5.


What are your plans for New Years? Would like to know what these dorks are doing? We have made plans with a bunch of our friends and we are going to eat dinner at a small local Mexican place at 6:30. After dinner we will be coming back to our place and play with Baby J till bedtime at 9. Then all the festivities will begin. We will whip out the bags of chip, dip and snacks. Crack open the cans of diet coke and start partying. First we will play some Mario Party 7, then when we get tired of playing that and realize that half of our company is bored as a doorknob we will play Taboo, then Shout About Movies, then stop at 11:57 to watch the ball drop, kiss and cheer and then we will whip out one of the 10 something versions of Triva and play that till we are ready to pass out. We will go to bed, wake up and be pissed that nothing is opened and there is nothing to do. I guess you can say we would be lucky that we wont have a hangover, right?

What is the sad thing about all of this, R felt the need that we should send out an Evite for this very exciting evening.