My Worst Nightmare

I had an appointment today that I set up for during Baby J’s nap. I put him to sleep and left my husband with him. Usually my biggest fear would be that J would wake up and have made a huge poopie explosion where his clothes, the bed and maybe even the walls would get a taste, just a few minutes after I leave. Then he cries uncontrollably until I get home. No, I think that would be R’s worst fear. Anyway, J went down late because I received a call before I went to put him to sleep. So I expected J to still be sleeping when I got home.

I walk in and where I left my husband, there was no husband. I looked in the living room, kitchen and the computer room and no hubby was to be found. I go to the basement where the lights were on and he hides out mostly. I don’t see hubby and I don’t hear any monitor sounds. I turn to the entertainment side of the basement. My heart sinks. I start to think of the worst thing EVER! I practically run up the 2 flights of stairs but do as quietly as possible. In my mind I am thinking that R left and he took J with him. Or that someone came in and hurt both of them because the front door was unlocked when I walked in. But whatever the scenario, I would never see either of them again. In that very brief moment all I can think of was the grief I would feel if both of them were out of my life. How empty and lost I would feel. How my heart would ache with so much pain. It was horrible!

I turn to our bedroom and I see R lying there snuggled under the blanket. He probaably was hiding a cat or two under there as well. I talked to him briefly and told him I would go downstairs to let him sleep. I grabbed the monitor and sat down with a cookie and let out a sigh of complete relief. Oh thank god what I thought, didn’t happen!

I guess it didn’t help that my appointment was with a bereavement counselor.